Loving Beyond Tolerance

How does the world define love? Anything of this world that would be an idea of love without him offers us nothing but chains. However, I think it could be explained in 2 ways: tolerance, or "live and let live" and using others, getting what you can from someone… in other words, "You do what you want, and I'll do I want." However these do nothing for relationships of any kind. Neither do they produce fruit, for love is fruitful to matter what the relationship. Because there is no true, free connection made, there is no fruit...no benefit beyond the moment. What the world offers us is nothing close to love.

Let's look at tolerance. Many describe tolerance as meaning “to live and let live”. However, it can really mean live and let die. We may see when others are engaging in potentially harmful activities, in a situation that is not safe for them, or doing something that is not bringing out their best self and with well-intending hearts say, “Well, that's your life; live it the way you want. It's not my role to tell you what to do.” Really, what we are doing is allowing someone to remain chained up and really chaining ourselves in the meanwhile because we know that what they are doing is not benefiting them. It's like riding in the car with someone who is intoxicated because you didn't want to hurt their feelings or cause a conflict. This may seem dramatic but there are things that people are doing in this world to themselves and to other people that in the long run can be harmful. Now, it is not our job to tell someone what to do. But, we are called to love with the love of God which means telling someone at the right time and in the right way, "Hey you're about to hit a tree!” And then we love them… even if they choose to hit the tree. This is loving with freeing love of our Father: letting our loved ones know when there is a potential to danger but also allowing them the freedom to choose.

The second worldly definition of love is getting what you want or getting what you can from someone… using them. Using others is selfish and self-serving. The problem is that, again, this is not a genuine connection of two hearts. Whether this is a friend, colleague, or significant other, if we are with someone because of status, sex, money, or anything other then helping them to be their best selves, trying to make their day better, or getting them into heaven, then we are using them. Sometimes, people try to get what they want out of someone through manipulation, control, or coercion. These are lies that connect the chains that keep us imprisoned. None of these have to do with love because love is not being freely given or freely received.

Additionally, when we allow ourselves to be used, we are not showing God's love either. Because in order for it to be love, it has to be whole-heartedly, freely received. As humans, sometimes this can be hard to grasp. We think that if we make ourselves 'available'  by saying yes to other people or letting them get their way, that we are allowing love in. Not so.

When we allow our Father to love us, then we are transformed. We are freed from others’ expectations of us and experience reconciliation and renewal…ongoing because his mercy is new every day.

He wants us to love him in such a genuine way that he would never use or force us into a relationship. We must choose relationship; the choice is ours. His love shows us how to love our brothers and sisters, so he will utilize us to be love to others, but this brings us joy ultimately. Being utilized to love is different than being used for pleasure or personal gain.

Our Father's love for us enables him to forgive us, and be patient with us. He wouldn't tolerate us in the worldly sense because he knows how great we can be. He made us to be so. Therefore, he would correct us and guide us on towards the path that he has created for us, that, in turn, leads us to him, and then leads us to joy and purpose. Because he wants relationship with us, he will always help us break out of chains.

Think of a Caterpillar. It spends its lifetime waiting to be cocooned and then opened again to be a butterfly. We, like caterpillars, were never meant to stay crawling on the ground or stuck in a cocoon, but we allow ourselves to be stuck in unhealthy relationships and keep ourselves from the One who made us to fly. Our Father created us to live in the freedom of his love and give life to the world around us helping others to see the real meaning of love.

Heaven and Earth Collide

"God has visited His people" Luke 7:16

How has God visited His people? Through His Son. 

Why? Because He loves us, wants us to love Him, and love other people. 

In Scripture, we read of One who goes against human 'rules' and beyond boxes of human labels and how things 'should be.'In Jesus, we see compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and love that cares enough to correct. In Jesus, the Son, we see the Father because He is the Father’s love in human form. Therefore, our Father is not distant, but very much a part of who are as humans. He wants for the there to be that same unity and love that seems incomprehensible, impenetrable between He and His Son to be shared with us.

Through Jesus, in His Body, Our God has visited earth. Through His Cross, Jesus has conquered every human tragedy, ache, or anxiety that we could experience. Through this act, we become God’s children…we are His people. Through the Eucharist and the Holy Spirit, the Father continues to visit and love His children. God has visited His people and His people can rejoice because we are loved and have been given new life. We must sit with this…let this Truth sink in… and then share it.

Bound by His Love

The Father's love is freeing because we are given boundaries. We are his children, even as adults. The things we do affect others, have consequences. We are precious to him as infants in his arms; we are his beautiful children, yet he sees us for who we are and will guide us from there. He respects our choices, but once we are in his house, we are asked to follow house rules. We don't have to, unless we want to remain there.

How can we see that boundaries are not limitations? Boundaries guide, allow us to grow, cause us to pause, think, and even pray. Limitations block, stifle, and make us feel stuck. Imagine being a child growing up in a house without boundaries. At first, it may seem like a dream. No rules regarding sleep, work, play or how to treat each other. Eventually, though, problems would occur. The results may be a sleep deprived disruptive child who is unlearned, or a child who studied all the time without taking breaks, or was so quiet you hardly knew she existed. Whatever the result,  it wouldn't be appropriate or loving to allow a child to be this way. By not setting boundaries, the child has become limited. The same is true for us.

By allowing us to have boundaries, God our Father is offering us freedom. What kind of freedom? Freedom from attachment to unhealthy habits. Freedom to be able to freely and fully choose what is best for our lives. Freedom from poor decisions. Freedom to be able to love fully. Freedom from stress because of peace during troubled times. The love that our Father offers us is free because we know where we stand and we learn who we are. Sometimes, we might wish that he wasn't so loving because it may seem that life would be more fun...more interesting without boundaries. But the truth is he loves us more than we can imagine and  wants to see us live out our potential. Our Father loves us beyond the limits of status, pleasures, or perfection that we place on ourselves.

His Love is Faithful

Commitment can, on one hand be a very difficult concept to fully embrace, especially since everything or everyone we commit to here on earth is imperfect. No matter how we try, we will let others down or be let down ourselves. This makes it very difficult to hang on or stick with something. Commitment on a human level will always fall short in some way.

Our Father, though, is on a different plain. He is profoundly complex, yet amazingly simple. He is love. He cannot let down or disappoint; these are not in his nature. The Father has a stick-to-itiveness about him that puts us to shame.

How is his love faithful? How can we answer that? I look at myself times and wonder: would I love myself and welcome myself back? But, he always does. Because he is love and we are made in his image, he cannot deny himself. It would be like accepting a puzzle that is incomplete as finished. He knows that there is so much more to us than what we present. We are part of him…we make up his heart.

One question that I can somehow answer is, “How do I know that his love is faithful? Two ways: Jesus in the Eucharist and Reconciliation. By giving us his Son, we have access back to the Father and are allowed an intimate interaction with the very one who is most precious to him. The Eucharist gives our life meaning and because of the Cross, our suffering has reason. The Eucharist shows us that the Father is faithful because he shows that he offered his very own heart and return for our love. Because we are receiving Christ, we can see the Father as our Father and fall even more in love with him and even with those around us.

Reconciliation. I have to admit that there was a time that I didn't get it. And, therefore, denied myself access to a different aspect of love-Mercy. I know the Father's love is faithful because I can keep coming back weighed down with sin and struggle. As I utter words that take so much of myself to say, he is there along with his Son in the person of the priest…saying, “Thank you for coming. I have been waiting for you. I love you; I've never stopped loving you, and I forgive you. I will give you strength to resist these temptations.” Exiting the confessional is like crossing the threshold into the Father's arms and his loving embrace. The Son has once more led us to his Father.

The Father's love is faithful because he always wants us to be in relationship with him, know his love, and bring his love to others. This is the part that is so simple but so complex. It's not completely new information. Yet, it can be extremely difficult to accept. He sees what is hurting within us but also what is the best in us, and wants us to live out the latter.

Sometimes, he walks in front of me leading.

Sometimes, he walks behind me encouraging.

Sometimes, he walks besides me correcting.

Sometimes, he carries me and consoles me.

Sometimes, he is silent align me to grow and do on my own.

Sometimes, he comes with a whisper of wisdom on which way to go.

But always always always: he is there.

He that is love is truly faithful.

Bearing Fruit

I thought it would be beneficial to expand on the question, "How do we know that we are receiving God's love?” True love cannot contain itself and thus is contagious and grows. We hear about this in regards to a married couple having children. Love is contagious, shared, and grows in a marriage usually through the fruit of children. But, as his children, how can the Father's love be fruitful in our own lives? Even more so, love is contagious and shared when we enter into relationship with the Father.

I think there are 2 ways that our Father's love is fruitful: within our own hearts and beyond our own needs. If the Father's love is full, as was mentioned earlier, than our hearts are, in return, filled and stirred up from within. We have found what we have been looking for. So, indeed, our life changes! Instead of looking at what others can do for us or what we can do to be happy to, "How can I make others happy?” Or, "What do others need?”

A parent holding their newborn baby is not concerned with how they feel personally. The main concern, their entire beings are consumed with this child that is in their arms that is quite literally their hearts outside of themselves.The fruit of God's love is love, zeal for sharing what he's given us wanting those around us to know that they are loved...to. such. incredible. degree. For ourselves, we may find peace and joy in sharing this love, though, sometimes it can simply be the fact that we know that this love must be shared. 

Here I would like to point out that all this love sharing can seem fluffy...warm and fuzzy if you will, but it's not. Not everyone wants to be loved. Some people don't know what love is and when we try to share to love, it can be difficult. Complicated. Furthermore, not everyone is lovable... or easy to love. Some people smell or are not very pretty. And, we need the Father's love to be able to love because somedays, we don't feel loving. Allowing God's love to flow through us is not for the faint of heart. However, we still come out somehow richer and better for it because our hearts have grown larger–our capacity to love has been expanded.

This leads me to the 2nd way that God's love is fruitful: it causes our gaze to move beyond ourselves to others. Actually, it allows our gaze to rest on the Beloved. Not all newborns are pretty, but to their parents they're gorgeous beyond words. The Father's love allows us to have wisdom to see with his eyes beyond who is in front of us to Jesus within the other person. To Jesus alone, sweaty, and mutilated on the cross. Or Jesus sitting with prostitutes and tax collectors. Or Jesus helpless in his mother's arms.

The Father's love allows us to bring his children, our brothers and sisters, into his embrace through words that we choose carefully, to sharing what we've been given, to spending time with them. This is how seeds are planted, love grows and is fruitful...thus making us truly alive.

The Father's Love is Full

More than any other, the love that comes from our Father is full–complete and lacking nothing. It is full in the way that it has its own end, but also in a way that when we receive it...freely, openly, we are filled in such a way that we have reached capacity, yet on some level there somehow seems to be more that we can receive from him. As sons and daughters, we are nourished by the Father's love, we find ourselves in the Father's love, and we are made whole by the Father's love.

The Saints, once converted, were transfixed on the Father. They tasted his love and sought to live their lives to receive more. By opening their hearts to this love, they opened their hearts to eternity and saw everything that they had tried to put in its place before had paled in comparison.

How do we receive love in this way?

Whatever one asks such a question a response would probably be to "open your heart". That seems abstract on some level… so how do we do that? Pray. Still abstract for some people. Perhaps we could start on a smaller scale with saying,” yes”. (That is, by the way, a prayer, but we say yes and mean it.) What are you saying yes to? The question that the Father has been asking, “Will you let me love you?” Saying yes starts simply and allows him to enter our hearts. As the Gentleman that he is, he won't take up too much space too soon, but he will come into our lives. Then yes leads us to other statements: show me, guide me. Little by little, we have opened our hearts and have developed relationship with our Father. Then, we get to see what the saints saw while they were in formation on earth: "God's love is sweet, renewing, and necessary, and I want more.”

How do we know that we are receiving God's love?

Our perspective changes. That which brought us joy before doesn't somehow work in light of this love that we've received from him. The vices that we turned to before seem less important and depending on the nature, almost gross to us. (Although, we can still be tempted from time to time.) This is because we have come to draw pure water and to do such things again would pollute it. This is how we know that God's love is filling because we become fulfilled in a way that only connecting with him can we be fed, satisfied. No human, pet, amount of money, vice or self-help book can do this for us.

Additionally, despite the fact that the Father's love is full and complete, it doesn't cast off love or contact with other human beings. Quite the opposite… God's love is contagious and eager to be shown–that's how we were created–to want to show this love that we've been given. So the fullness of God's love leads us to love others fully and correctly in a way that brings to mind God, who is love, when we are interacting with them.