It’s not uncommon for me to reflect
back on my not so great moments with horror thinking, “How could I have done
that?! I should’ve known better.” I find myself focusing a lot on the past at
times usually with disgust in myself. When you struggle with pride and
perfection, shame, self-pity, and unforgiveness try to make themselves out to
be your friends. Because of this, I tried to let Lent be a time of offering, of
surrendering myself at the feet of Jesus in order to humble the pride that
makes me more than I am and renounce the perfection that tells me I’m not
enough. It’s a strange dichotomy to find your heart in.
It’s incredible how the Lord speaks
to us through his Word. Recently, I reflected on the story of Mary pouring
costly perfume upon Jesus. She empties the entire bottle on his feet and dries
them with her hair. It evokes such an intimate image to me. This woman lowers
her body to the floor to touch his feet and offers pretty much all she has in
the material sense. It’s personal and moving.
It strikes even more so within me that she uses her hair to dry his
feet. Not a towel or part of her clothing, but her hair. This symbol of beauty
and femininity. Essentially, she is offering more than just the costly perfume.
She offers herself, her identity. The Lord accepts this gift. He sees the depth
of the offering and takes it for the beauty that it is…a gift of self, and
offering of love.
In the book of Mark a sentence stood
out. Jesus still defends her actions, but in Mark; however, a sentence is added:
“She has done what she could do.” When faced with the fact that Jesus, a man
that she loves and cares for deeply, was going to be betrayed, tortured, and
crucified like a criminal, Mary did what she could and in doing so offered him
a moment of beautiful humanity, humility, and acceptance.
“She has done what she could do.”
These words seemed to shout at me from the page. They lingered in my heart
filling me with hope, bringing healing, rather unexpectedly. As I sat in prayer
reflecting on different events that I’ve regretted or didn’t like what I did, I
was able, with the Lord’s grace, to replace, “How could I?!” with “I did what I
could do.” This viewpoint helped me to have a different perspective where I
could learn from the event, repent and move on in freedom and healing. The
Father has reinforced in me a lesson. The lesson of Lent is not that we have to
be perfect and do things right all of the time. The lesson, moreover the
profound statement, is that we are not perfect, will not do things right all of
the time, yet we are offered the opportunity to humble ourselves, look past
ourselves to see what the Father has done for us in offering us His Son.
Because of the Resurrection, the story can always be restored, maybe not in the
way we would want, but the Father can always bring new life and reveal His
love, if we enter in.
That’s what Mary did. She entered
in. I don’t know all that she knew, but I’m certain that it was very emotional
for her. There will be things in this life that happen that we don’t want to
happen: we lose a friend, we say mean things, we have a fight with a family
member, and we have a loved one fighting cancer. Mary shows us that instead of
denying it or beating ourselves up about things, if we accept life and enter
into it with Christ, beautiful things can happen. We offer ourselves to him and
let Him deal with it. And, like Mary, our act may not look good to others or be
perfect, but it’s not about us; it’s about allowing the Lord the space to do
what needs to be done.
The incredible arrangement is that,
because of the Cross-, the struggle, the whatever we must let die, doesn’t have
the final say. There’s Easter. Praise God there is Resurrection! By entering
into the process of Christ taking on the Cross and offering our imperfections
and we will experience new life because Christ has overcome death and all that
is related to it. Because of Christ’s death, we have life!
So often I try to fight it or just
deal with it, like letting go and coming to Christ is a sign of weakness or failure.
In reality I end up nowhere. It seems the Cross is the best weapon we have in
this fight. It is the way to new life. It is still Easter season. There’s still
time. Let’s give the best Easter present to ourselves and accept that the
Father loved us so much that he sent Christ…that Christ is our Savior. Let us
lay down all the regrets, doubts, fears…as much as ourselves as possible at his
feet where he can take care of us and then let him take care of us. It’s all been redeemed anyway. To us, it may
seem expensive, but he’s already paid the price.
