Loving Beyond Tolerance

How does the world define love? Anything of this world that would be an idea of love without him offers us nothing but chains. However, I think it could be explained in 2 ways: tolerance, or "live and let live" and using others, getting what you can from someone… in other words, "You do what you want, and I'll do I want." However these do nothing for relationships of any kind. Neither do they produce fruit, for love is fruitful to matter what the relationship. Because there is no true, free connection made, there is no fruit...no benefit beyond the moment. What the world offers us is nothing close to love.

Let's look at tolerance. Many describe tolerance as meaning “to live and let live”. However, it can really mean live and let die. We may see when others are engaging in potentially harmful activities, in a situation that is not safe for them, or doing something that is not bringing out their best self and with well-intending hearts say, “Well, that's your life; live it the way you want. It's not my role to tell you what to do.” Really, what we are doing is allowing someone to remain chained up and really chaining ourselves in the meanwhile because we know that what they are doing is not benefiting them. It's like riding in the car with someone who is intoxicated because you didn't want to hurt their feelings or cause a conflict. This may seem dramatic but there are things that people are doing in this world to themselves and to other people that in the long run can be harmful. Now, it is not our job to tell someone what to do. But, we are called to love with the love of God which means telling someone at the right time and in the right way, "Hey you're about to hit a tree!” And then we love them… even if they choose to hit the tree. This is loving with freeing love of our Father: letting our loved ones know when there is a potential to danger but also allowing them the freedom to choose.

The second worldly definition of love is getting what you want or getting what you can from someone… using them. Using others is selfish and self-serving. The problem is that, again, this is not a genuine connection of two hearts. Whether this is a friend, colleague, or significant other, if we are with someone because of status, sex, money, or anything other then helping them to be their best selves, trying to make their day better, or getting them into heaven, then we are using them. Sometimes, people try to get what they want out of someone through manipulation, control, or coercion. These are lies that connect the chains that keep us imprisoned. None of these have to do with love because love is not being freely given or freely received.

Additionally, when we allow ourselves to be used, we are not showing God's love either. Because in order for it to be love, it has to be whole-heartedly, freely received. As humans, sometimes this can be hard to grasp. We think that if we make ourselves 'available'  by saying yes to other people or letting them get their way, that we are allowing love in. Not so.

When we allow our Father to love us, then we are transformed. We are freed from others’ expectations of us and experience reconciliation and renewal…ongoing because his mercy is new every day.

He wants us to love him in such a genuine way that he would never use or force us into a relationship. We must choose relationship; the choice is ours. His love shows us how to love our brothers and sisters, so he will utilize us to be love to others, but this brings us joy ultimately. Being utilized to love is different than being used for pleasure or personal gain.

Our Father's love for us enables him to forgive us, and be patient with us. He wouldn't tolerate us in the worldly sense because he knows how great we can be. He made us to be so. Therefore, he would correct us and guide us on towards the path that he has created for us, that, in turn, leads us to him, and then leads us to joy and purpose. Because he wants relationship with us, he will always help us break out of chains.

Think of a Caterpillar. It spends its lifetime waiting to be cocooned and then opened again to be a butterfly. We, like caterpillars, were never meant to stay crawling on the ground or stuck in a cocoon, but we allow ourselves to be stuck in unhealthy relationships and keep ourselves from the One who made us to fly. Our Father created us to live in the freedom of his love and give life to the world around us helping others to see the real meaning of love.